call me Kale Salad-My Journey to Healing: A scene from the Matrix. Part 2: 20 Years of Chronic Decline-

In 2014, when I say I had a eye opening, Matrix experience, it really felt that way. I had resigned to the idea from my medical team that my autoimmune conditions were progressive and irreversible. I felt mad, cheated and honestly wallowed around in self-pity. As I read Dr. Amy Myers "Autoimmune Solution" I started to understand how the standard American Diet also known as SAD, had contributed to my inflammatory issues. I grew up in the 70's and 80's and although my parents fed us veggies for dinner every day (veggies that I quickly mushed into my pocket or tried to hide in my mashed potatoes) the majority of our food was processed. Canned green beans or boxed Hamburger Helper were staples in our house. The only fresh food I remember was iceberg lettuce and soft mushy Red apples. I never ate those apples and still don't like those red mushy apples to this day. We ate puffed wheat cereal for breakfast, peanut butter and jelly or bologna sandwiches for lunch.

We grew up lower middle class, dipping into poverty when my parents divorced. I remember hating vegetables, like most kids. It has become a comedy legend where my brothers to this day will tease me about gagging on mushy canned, tasteless vegetables, like lima freaking beans. Gross. It wasn't until I was in my adult years that I realized I actually love fresh or roasted vegetables. We ate a lot of yellow meals. Macaroni and cheese, potatoes and corn were standards. I don't recall every having fresh spinach, and honestly don't think I ever ate a brussel sprout or kale until my 40's. So my main diet was processed food for 40 years.

I always knew that exposure to 2nd hand smoke was no good, as both of my parents smoked. I remember long car rides with them both smoking with the windows rolled up. Nearly two decades of breathing in those toxins certainly didn't do my body any favors. I don't blame my parents as we now know that the tobacco companies were pretty sly at marketing and even convinced the medical community that smoking was good for you. My Dad started smoking when he was given cigarettes in his Marine corp rations and mom thought it helped with her nerves.

I also grew up having a lot of strep throat infections which consequently caused me to take antibiotics dozens of times as young person. Little did I know that each sip of that yummy "pink" medicine was slowly killing my gut and erroding my immune system. The last nail in the coffin of my autoimmune recipe was that I was bottle fed. I didn't get the protective benefit of breast milk as a newborn which caused another attack on my gut. Many years before my red pill moment, I became a internationally board certified lactation consultant and learned of the amazing health benefits of breast milk. Breast milk really is awesome.

Dr. Myer's work guided me through a dietary elimination diet where I stopped eating gluten, dairy and sugar. I did this for 30 days and slowly started adding back in other foods. The diet plan was all about restoring gut health, adding essential nutrients and getting rid of toxins. I am not going to sugar coat it (well for sure not sugar) this elimination diet was not easy. I remember nearly freaking out when we went to the movies and I didn't get popcorn. Really? No movie popcorn? Torture! I made some plantain chips and snuck them in a bag. I didn't feel bad about doing this as I literally could not eat any of the processed foods that was sold at concessions. This could be a sign. I turned down a birthday dinner because I wanted to see it through and got tired of explaining what I was doing and why. The results were subtle at first, but slowly the rashes went away and the joint pain started to ease. The most noticeable change was that I no longer had stomach cramps and diarrhea. I had lived with this for so many years that I still carry loperamide in every purse pocket and in my car. My gut was healing.

I also became the weirdo at family functions that brought Kale Salad, and wouldn't or couldn't eat 90% of the food at family dinners. My brother nick-named me "Kale Salad" to emphasize my weirdness. This was more socially isolating than I had previously realized. Food is such an important part of our social fabric. So, when invited to dinner for lasagna, breadsticks and cake, I felt a bit like a freak. Do I really need to explain to everyone, why I am not eating the famous dessert, or is it better to spend the evening in the bathroom hoping no one else will need to use it? Hurt feelings, or drop a bomb in the toilet? Hmm, choices, choices. I realized just recently that every year during the holidays I would gather with family and spend the day making homemade pies, noodles and appetizers that I couldn't eat. Hours of cooking food that would make me sick. No one else seemed to notice, but for my daughter, who gently pointed this fact out.

Did I mention that I was a bit pissed off about the whole autoimmune thing? I went through a season of feeling pretty bitter, as I learned how much the trauma that I endured impacted my health as a 40 year old. I played an inner dialogue of thinking, gee thanks, shit that wasn't my fault is now robbing me of my health in my adulthood. The traumatic gift that keeps on giving. Neat fun. Sarcasm implied. But I digress...

I still had some work to do, so I sought out a local functional medicine provider to support me. I realized that my regular primary care provider, who was pretty great, just didn't get it. It was shocking how my medical team was so dismissive of my lifestyle changes. My rheumatologist wanted me to stay on the immune suppressing drugs despite what seemed like a remission of my symptoms. It was like when I talked to them about what I was trying to do with Functional Medicine, I would get a message back of "There, there, little missy, don't worry your little heart about that and take the damn pill".

It seemed crazy to continue to pay co-pays for advice that I no longer trusted or would follow. Functional Medicine is a great blend of both conventional and complementary medicine with a focus on the root cause. So instead of just throwing drugs at me for my autoimmune diseases, we started to explore the cause. If you are thinking of starting with a Functional Medicine provider, go for it. You can look at the Institute for Functional Medicine website to find a local provider. Brace yourself, because it is not cheap. However, I think it has been worth every penny. I am fortunate to have good health insurance with a cash payment for the "functional fee" of about $180 out of pocket per visit, but many are on cash pay system only. For good reason, but don't get me started on that. That will be for another day. It comes down to the idea of pay now or pay later with chronic disease and disability. What is your health worth? Why isn't this covered by insurance? Perhaps the system is incentivized to cut and prescribe, not prevent and heal? Honestly, how many commercials have you seen from the Broccoli industry compared to big pharma?

Once I started with the Functional Medicine Provider, we sat down and did a very extensive history. I think my first appointment was an hour. We went way back. I started to make some connections with childhood trauma and the impact this had on my gene expression. This combined with a lifetime of processed food, exposure to toxins, antibiotics and not getting breast milk was the root cause of my autoimmune disease. We did a lot of lab work, I mean a lot of lab work. We tested for heavy metals, mold exposure, cortisol levels and other hormones. We identified a lot of issues which we began to address one step at a time. It makes me think of Gabor Mate' s work in the "Myth of Normal" when he asks when was the last time your medical provider asked you about childhood trauma? For me, it was never until I met Amy, NP, my functional medicine provider. Even though at that time, I was a master's prepared Registered Nurse, I had never heard of the connection of trauma and chronic disease. Most of our western medical team has no idea either about nutrition, the impact of trauma and toxins on the gut and overall vitality.

I discovered that I had antibodies attacking my tissues, joints and thyroid gland. With each new strategy, things began to improve. Not only did I start feeling better, but my labs provided evidence that it was working.

Some of the strategies that I started was to keep gluten and dairy out of my diet. I am 99% effective with this. It can be hard to function in the fast paced world. I can feel it when I "cheat" too, which usually results in a mild return of flu like symptoms 3-4 days after I eat a "real" donut or some other evil food like that. Did I mention, that I love donuts. I hope there will be donuts in heaven that won't hurt my gut!

I added a probiotic, vitamin D and Omega 3 to my daily supplement routine. I will take these forever, if possible. I started changing my household products to non-toxic things. I am taking the approach that if I can't literally eat it, then I don't want it on my skin or in my house if possible. Again, I am not 100%, but it is a journey. About 6 years into this phase of my journey, I was feeling pretty great, compared to how I had been before. You don't realize how crappy you felt until you start feeling better. I lost weight, my antibodies were improving almost back to complete normal... then three things happened in 2020 that got me off course and threw me back in a bit of tail spin, stupid Covid, stress and Menopause.